Almost three years later, I’m in the process of round two and will be posting my experiences shortly. It includes forays into a few different sites and a very different perspective. Subscribe to the feed or check back soon for that. In the meantime, here’s my last attempt from the beginning…

I’m taking the plunge…again. I tried Match.com briefly a few years ago with no success. Actually, I went out with three people I met online and surprisingly, they were decent guys with good jobs: an engineer, a dentist and an actor. Ok, so just two had good jobs. I didn’t feel chemistry with any of them, but I’d certainly set them up with friends. For reasons I don’t recall, I abandoned the Match scene. My return is due to the fact that I can’t seem to meet any halfway decent guys using my current dating style, which is the equivalent of the birth control method, “coming inside a woman.” In other words, totally ineffective. Here I begin the tale of my latest online dating journey…

Filling out the profile was a bit of a challenge. You have to walk the delicate line of being honest and not being too honest. The first dilemma was the question, “What best describes your body type?” The first four choices are “slender,” “athletic and toned,” “about average,” and “a few extra pounds.” From there I’m offered various euphemisms for “fat.” In any other city, I’d probably be considered “slender” although I’d like to lose a few pounds. But how can I possibly put myself in the only category for which Nicole Richie’s eligible? Maybe they need to add one more category for people like her such as “fashionably anorexic” so that I can call myself “slender.” Since I’m no hard body, I settled for “about average.” But an inspection of my competition showed that some women carrying an extra 20 pounds just in their face chose the same option. If they want to set themselves up for disappointment, so be it, but no reason I should do the same. “About average” it is.

On the same lines is the question “How often do you exercise?” My old answer said, “3-4 times a week,” which was the truth at the time, but I stopped my gym membership a while ago and have yet to join a new one so now my exercise regime is practically non-existant (though, strangely, I see no noticeable difference in my body shape). But I can’t just admit to being a complete sloth so I answered with “1-2 times per week.” That’s actually pretty accurate, as pitiful as it sounds.

Next I had to write about who I am and what I’m looking for in a man. I think I was pretty open and honest about everything and resisted the urge to give smartass answers. Well, I tried but wasn’t totally successful and left a couple in there (”What’s the last thing you read? A profile on Match. The character was underdeveloped and the ending was predictable. Can’t recommend it”). That’s who I am- take it or leave it. But please take it. Right now I’m optimistic enough about my prospects not to sugarcoat anything, but who knows? In a few weeks I might start lying my ass off just to get some sort of response. At the end of my intro, I asked respondents to include my favorite word, “falafel,” in their correspondence with me. It’s just a way to see whose quest for true love is worth reading 500 characters of text.

I don’t expect to see the word “falafel” in many emails.

Well, the profile and a few pictures are up. I guess it’s now in the hands of the Internet dating gods what happens from here.