Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 840 ( 79 since yesterday)

New emails: 2 (”falafel” count: 4/14, sent email: 1)

New winks: 3

Optimism level: Made the jump. Where’s the damn safety net?

Last night I scrapped my old profile narrative and made a brand new one. I’m glad I did. The one that’s been viewable for the last week was basically the same one I used when I briefly tried Match a few years ago. It was too much about what I like and not enough about who I am. And it sounded like everybody else’s narrative: “I’m smart and fun and generally perfect and I enjoy fine wine with a fine man while we rapel from the side of a cliff down to my favorite skiing location. Blah, blah, blah.” I injected a lot more of my personality and sense of humor into it while cutting it down in length.

I know my new narrative could turn some people away and that’s great. In my old profile, I think I tried too hard to seem agreeable to everybody. But I don’t need the whole world to like me. I’m looking for somebody specific. In the new version it’s obvious that I’m feisty and I want a man who likes that kind of woman.

I decided to send out just one email today- to “Homer,” the guy I think I used to know. I mentioned some things we have in common, kept the humor to a minimum and said that I thought we’d get along well and included my email address. If he’d been some random stranger, the whole email would have been about one paragraph, which I think is a good length. But then I stated that I think I know him. I wrote a few more lines regarding whether “rufalino” meant anything to him (the name of someone I think we’re mutual friends with) and sent the email off.

A few hours later, I signed on to Match and realized my profile was hidden. I’d taken a reader’s suggestion to hide my profile while I view other people’s pictures so they wouldn’t be able to see me as having viewed their profile. Stupid me didn’t change my profile setting back to “visible” when I was done, possibly missing out on some prime weekend traffic to my page. Oh well, live and learn. It was a bit surprising when, just a short time later, I received a reply from “Homer.” He wrote:

Rufalino, yeah, I know that name.
How do I know you?
Tell me.
It’s killing me.
For the love of god.
Tell me.

I thought his response was pretty funny, but now I’m not sure if he was able to view my picture and profile or not. I’ll wait a few more hours before responding so I don’t seem like a complete loser sitting with my laptop anxiously awaiting Match replies. Even though I am.

EMAIL #1: Falafel! This guy read my narrative but unfortunately, he’s another fortysomething guy with a porn ’stache. I just can’t. Moved to folder: Needs to follow in Tom Selleck’s footsteps.

EMAIL #2: Another falafel. Now we’re getting somewhere. This guy opened his email by complimenting me for being articulate and for avoiding spelling and grammatical errors. This made me feel better about the letter I sent yesterday because now I know for sure I’m not the only lunatic who appreciates that. This guy’s a real dilemma. I really liked his letter and profile and he has a great smile. But he’s an inch shorter than me. I don’t think I’ve mentioned the fact that I’m pretty tall, which is yet another obstacle for me in finding a match. An inch shorter isn’t a problem for me, but I understand that a lot of guys lie about their height on Match. so there’s always that concern he might be two or three inches shorter. I’ll trust that he’s telling the truth. The other thing is that he’s balding and it’s the waning-crescent-moon-shaped balding I’m not too fond of. He, like most guys, would be much sexier if he shaved it all off. On the other hand, he kind of looks like the type of guy I’d like to end up with. Even though I have a taste for the pretty boys, let’s face it, guys who have women throwing themselves at them are more likely to cheat than average joes, simply because of opportunity. It’s just hard to get things started in a situation like this with someone for whom I don’t have that initial strong attraction. There’s also the fact that he says he wants children and at 41, he probably shouldn’t waste his time dating somebody who doesn’t. If I reply, do I mention that? It’s such a weird thing to include in a first email, “Hi, you seem interesting and I’d like to meet you, but be advised my uterus is closed for business.” Finally, he lists the age range for women he wants to date at 26-35. I’m always a bit curious about guys who are looking for women much younger than they are and aren’t even open to women their own age, much less older. Maybe he wants women of child-rearing age or maybe he’s looking for a trophy wife. Hard to tell. Moved to folder: Decide within 48 hours.

I’m looking forward to receiving “Homer’s” next email. I expect that by tomorrow I’ll either be heading toward my first date or dealing with my first rejection. Could I possibly make a hit on the first attempt? Nothing ever comes easy for me so I’m not getting my hopes up.