Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1105 (33 since yesterday)

New received emails: 2 unsolicited, 0 solicited

New sent emails: 0

New winks: 1

Optimism level: My approval rating’s dropping faster than George Dubya’s.

EMAIL #1: This came from one of the guys to whom I sent that stupid rejection letter last week. He wrote:

You sounds fantasitic!!! that was quite a response you last sent me….!! I love it.

I had to laugh because he was obviously being sarcastic. I thought his approach was cute until I realized this was the guy who replied last week with, “You’re a dork!” Then a few days later, he sent me one of the pre-made Match rejections. So now it just seems weird that a 42-year-old guy who claims to be a “director at one of the major networks” has the time or energy to continue to reject my rejection of him. I thought about blocking his emails, but I’m not sure if he would know he was blocked. And he’s coming across just creepy enough that I should probably know if he continues to write me. After all, he’s seen my picture and I still haven’t seen his. Moved to folder: Beware of this guy’s casting couch.

EMAIL #2: This one sounds perfect for me!! He’s tall and…and…he’s tall. Well, I’m guessing height was enough of a reason for him to write me because I don’t see anything else we have in common. He’s a Catholic guy who “definitely” wants kids and says he’s looking for a Catholic woman who “definitely” wants kids. Makes me wonder if he found the profile of a chubby Catholic black woman anxious to be impregnated then clicked on “view others like her” and stumbled upon my profile. Even if he wasn’t such an obvious mismatch, the fact that he claims to be an executive with a graduate degree yet can’t seem to manage one capital letter in his entire profile just doesn’t sit well with me. Moved to folder: Needs to assign his Match search to his secretary.

I called Bodybuilder Boy. I knew that if I didn’t do it tonight, I’d probably never do it, so I got it out of the way (if I had a therapist, he’d be so proud). I was relieved to get his voice mail, then it occurred to me that means he’ll call me back, I won’t answer and then I’ll have to call him back. It’s a vicious cycle. Rereading what I just wrote, I realize how neurotic I sound. Honestly, the phone thing is my only real neurosis- I don’t think I could survive with any more.

I still haven’t replied to “Homer”‘s last email, mostly because I don’t know what to say. Given the conflicting messages I’ve inferred from his emails, I can’t figure what, if any, interest he has in me. I want to play this one carefully because he seems like a great match for me, at least on paper. I’m pretty sure he gets back into town on Monday, so I need to work out the email soon.