Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1128 (23 since yesterday)

New received emails: 1 unsolicited, 0 solicited

New sent emails: 0 new, 2 reply

New winks: 3

Optimism level: Wondering if I’ll get a refund if I cut my subscription to a month.

Twenty three page views on a Sunday??!! I’m starting to wonder if Match found my blog, determined it was me writing it and tucked my profile at the back of every search to spare the feelings of unsuspecting members who might write me. They won’t even approve my requested match words. They started something last week where they selected these match words from each person’s page and put them in a sidebar. Visitors can click on a word and find other people who included the same word in their profile. You can remove any match words from your page but can only instantly add words that come from some unknown permissible list. Any other additions must be approved. Never one to take anything too seriously, I tried adding “clinically insane” and “sponge worthy.” Three days and I haven’t received a response. The least they could do is send me one of their own pre-made rejections.

EMAIL #1: This guy obviously read through my profile (I’m sure he would have included “falafel” if it was still there) and sent a well-written email. He mentioned some things he liked about me and told me a little about himself. He sounded decent so I decided to check out his profile. His main picture shows a clear image of his face, however, there’s a tv on in the background and I found myself more interested in figuring out who’s on the tv than actually looking at him. Not a good sign. His only other picture features him at a table and he looks like a celebrity whose picture was unexpectedly snapped by a fan in the middle of dinner. I took a better glance at the first picture and realized the expression is the same. This makes me curious if he always looks like that or if he thinks appearing stunned will draw in the ladies. He lists his religion as Jewish so that pretty much eliminates him as a contender. There almost needs to be a ranking on the religious scale. I could probably handle a Buddhist or Christian who’s a three or four on the scale, but couldn’t go any higher than a two for some other religions. When it comes to Jews, Catholics and Mormons there are just WAY too many goofy rules that I can’t help but ridicule, which means I can’t be very supportive of a partner who actually follows all those rules. Oh, and I love bacon. His profile statements are all clipped- three or four word answers where most people write a few sentences. And he declares “dancing” to be a turn-off. Even if he doesn’t like to dance, what kind of person gets turned off by an expression of pure joy? Moved to folder: Won’t be dancing to “Havah Nagilah” with him.

PRIOR EMAIL REJECTION: I got halfway through an acceptance letter of sorts to Christian Music Lover (day 15) then suddenly scrapped it and sent a “No, thanks.” There are definitely some positive aspects to him: He’s fairly attractive and writes well (that’s becoming a huge turn-on for me) and he comes across as having a good personality. But there were a bunch of little things that started adding up that finally made me think we’re not right for each other. For one thing, he’s an inch shorter than me and lists his body shape as “slender.” In the couple 3/4 shots, he looks quite skinny. Ideally, I don’t want to be bigger than the guy but that alone is not a deal-breaker. He says his background is Irish, German and Scottish and writes: YES, I can be a challenged tanner in the summer. This, too, is far from a deal-breaker but I tend to prefer my men like my meat: medium well. Then he mentions “sarcasm” as a turn-off. What’s with all these people who don’t like a smartass? Sure, you don’t want to spend every day with Bea Arthur’s Dorothy from Golden Girls, but who doesn’t love a little Chandler Bing from Friends?

Next up was the income issue. I’m surprised that so many people advertise their income range as that’s very personal information and shouldn’t really matter to prospective dates. Most guys do list their income (or at least the income they would like to project) but under “About my date” they usually list her income as “Any.” Christian Music Lover skipped the first three options and starts his woman at 50K and up. Again, I’m not clear why that should be important to him unless he expects the woman to buy her own drinks on the first date (and he shouldn’t- while I’ll always pull out my wallet to pay, any guy who’s even remotely interested in me but won’t pony up the $6 for my drink just doesn’t get it. And won’t ever get it from me).

Finally, I kept coming back to the Christian music listening. He even lists the station number as if hoping a woman would read his profile and respond, “I love that station! I listen to it every day!” Despite whatever religious affiliations people list on their profiles, I don’t believe most of them actively practice those beliefs (thus the need for a scale). I think this way because the majority of the people I meet in the real world who call themselves Jews or Catholics or whatever don’t regularly attend services or follow the tenets of their religions (remember, I live in LA, not the Bible Belt). So this “spirtual but not religious” guy who “often” listens to Christian radio sounds like God’s role in his life may be bigger than it is in some of the guys who claim to adhere to a particular religion. Sorry, Christian Music Lover, had to send the “No, thanks.”

I responded to “Homer” today. I made a quick comment about his email address then asked him to drop me a line when he had the chance. I think he’s travelling tomorrow so I don’t expect to hear from him before Tuesday. Bodybuilder Boy didn’t call, but I changed my ringtone for him so I will be alerted when he does. I realized I don’t have time to play phone tag with him as I’d like to get all the mistakes out of the way with him before a possible date with “Homer,” who I’m actually anxious to get to know.