Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1155 (28 since yesterday)

New received emails: 1 unsolicited, 0 solicited

New winks: 3

Optimism level: Nobody likes Mondays.

For the last few days, I’ve been bitching about the low profile views and responses. It finally occurred to me that when I changed my narrative, I also added more-specific answers to some of the other categories. So when guys do searches for distinct characteristics, I’m probably not showing up very often. I guess I should be thrilled when anyone finds my page at this point.

Today I was browsing through profiles removing “unfuckables” at a furious pace when I stumbled upon a particularly ghastly image. I think with most people, the ability to appeal to a wide audience is within their grasp, if not already, then with a few adjustments. So if I don’t find a guy handsome, it’s usually because of style choices he’s made that other women might find attractive. But this poor guy was screwed the second the sperm hit the egg. Nothing short of a surgeon could help him in the looks department. I know it sounds harsh, but the reality is that there are very few, if any, women who are so unconcerned with physical attraction that they would ever click on his profile. Anyway, I was about to hit “remove” for this guy but accidentally clicked on his screen name instead, thus opening his profile and allowing him to know I’d viewed it. I actually yelled out, “NOOOO!!!” As if I’d just clicked a button releasing nuclear bombs all over the globe. I had to laugh at my overdramatics and remind myself I’m not so special I’m going to get my own online stalker simply for viewing his page.

EMAIL #1: This guy’s email had the subject: Enigmatic and body: I like the smile and the candor. While I’m definitely starting to think short and sweet is the way to go for most guys, it’s still a good idea to open some sort of conversation. But after the other emails I’ve received, the use of words like “enigmatic” and “candor” made him seem like William Shakespeare so I gave his profile a perusal. The first thing I noticed is that he has two kids. I should probably mention that I don’t have a problem with a guy who has kids that don’t live with him full time. I like kids and I’m good with them, I just don’t want to live the mom lifestyle 24/7. Then I noticed he lives about 45 minutes to an hour away, depending on traffic. Even though I listed an interest in men up to 30 miles away, I can barely muster the interest to meet somebody two miles away. A guy would have to sound pretty spectacular for me to bother with the 405 freeway. I really can’t find anything wrong with him or his profile (that’s a first!), but there’s also nothing that especially excites me. Moved to folder: Location, location, location.

I didn’t hear from “Homer” or Bodybuilder Boy. I know the smart thing would be for me to give myself more options. My concern with writing to too many guys at once is that I know if I’m more interested in one guy, I won’t give proper consideration to the other guys (such is the case with “Homer” over Bodybuilder Boy). I don’t want to deny myself the opportunity to get to know and appreciate a guy because I have higher hopes with someone else. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste a lot of time on something that may go nowhere. I think I’ll give the guys another day, maybe two, to get in touch with me and make plans to meet. In the meantime, I’ll figure out who my next target(s) will be.