Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1325 (34 since yesterday)

New received emails: 1 unsolicited

New sent emails: 2 new, 0 reply

New winks: 2

Optimism level: Throw enough punches and I’m gonna land a hit sooner or later.

I sent out TWO emails today (and the crowd goes wild). When you compose an email on Match there’s a big banner on top that says: (screen name) is waiting to hear from you! They actually put the exclamation point in there, suggesting a sense of urgency or excitement. The punctuation makes perfect sense when compared to statements like: “There’s a bomb on the plane!” “I just won a million dollars!” “Dorkman69 is waiting to hear from you!”

I want to write to Match and say, “No he’s not!” or “If he’d been waiting, he would have written me back!”

I had planned to send out three letters today, then noticed that the guy I wrote to two days ago (who seems very compatible) hasn’t logged on to Match in three days, so there’s a possibility he hasn’t read my email and/or my profile. Since that door isn’t officially shut just yet, I decided to send out only two emails today.

The two guys I wrote to are completely different from one another. The first is one of the guys I consider a favorite, though I’m not exactly sure why. He’s nice looking (even at seven years my senior) but more importantly, there’s something about him that feels comfortable. I think it’s the look of sincerity in his eyes and smile that I don’t observe in a lot of pictures. Beyond that, he comes across as an intelligent well-rounded guy with a stable lifestyle. He sounds warm and safe. On the other hand, there’s no real indication of a sense of humor in his profile so that’s the big question for me. In my letters, I’ve tried to be myself but also stick to the overall tone of the guy’s profile. So I kept my email to him short and sweet. I noticed he visited my profile after I sent the email, so I assume I’ll either hear from him tomorrow or I won’t hear from him at all.

The other guy I wrote to is almost the complete opposite. He appeals to my crazier side. He didn’t say much at all in his profile about who he is or what he likes. Instead he wrote this absurd analogy between himself and women and birds that I thought was funny yet somewhat complex. Since I prefer to connect with someone’s personality instead of their stats, I appreciated his approach. So I replied with a similarly ridiculous letter about how I fit into his duck and swan analogy. It wasn’t the type of letter I’d usually write but I cracked myself up too much not to send it. I figure either we’re on the same wavelength and he’ll adore me or we’re not and he’ll think I’m a kook. And if that’s the case, no harm, no fowl (sorry).

EMAIL #1: Aside from the fact that this fellow lives about half an hour away and he’s wearing a Sherlock Holmes hat in his picture, this guy sounds too…nice. I hate to say that like it’s a bad thing but there’s just a limit to how many syrupy words a guy can use in a short narrative before he stops sounding like a man. I’m not one of those women who buys into the “sensitive man” thing. This one sounds like he could be brought to tears too easily, and I believe there are only three occasions when a guy should cry: when someone dies, when his lover leaves him and when his favorite team loses the championship (and then, only if he had money on the game). He included several lines of various compliments to me in his email. In my experiences, people who dole out excessive compliments almost always suffer self esteem issues. I appreciate a well-deserved compliment, but when there are too many, they take away from the authenticity of the others rendering them meaningless. Let’s face it, nobody cares about Paula Abdul’s compliments- everybody wants Simon Cowell’s because they know when he gives it, he means it. In the end, I think I’m just too much man for this gentleman. Moved to folder: Nice guys finish last (but hopefully, with nice ladies by their sides).