Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1384 (12!!! since yesterday)

New received emails: 1 unsolicited, 0 solicited

New sent emails: 0

New winks: 0

Optimism level: ‘Tis the season… (with the highest suicide rate)

Ok, this will be my last comment on the low profile views for awhile. I picked a bad time to start my Match experience. People have other priorities during the holidays. Even I haven’t looked at any profiles in the last couple of days so I really shouldn’t expect others to be looking at mine. BUT COME ON, 12 VIEWS??!! I guess I should be ecstatic I got one email out of that. At least it was a good one.

EMAIL #1: I opened this email and thought the guy strongly resembled Corey Feldman. Not current-day Corey Feldman, mind you, more like the way Corey looked in Stand By Me. In his profile, he listed his age as 22, but he blew it when he wrote: i like older women. prefer 21 to… 30ish. Note to the young lads: if you’re going to claim to be 22, don’t include 21-year-olds in your list of “older women.”

In his email he wrote: So now you get to read my essay and see how well you think we would get along together. I’m sure I’d get along great with this young stud. That is, until I got busted for buying him alcohol (which may be the reason he wrote to me in the first place). As if his youth wasn’t questionable enough from his appearance, he wrote: i like… driving trucks, riding bikes. street and dirt. i like going out with the buds and friends and having a good time at bars, clubs or other places like D&B or Game Works (somehow I knew there would be mention of an arcade) i have a young look, but am very mature. i have 2 tats, and piercings. I don’t have a problem with tattoos or piercings but that’s not usually the sort of info. people offer up as proof of their maturity.

He wrote that: im a musician. guess what i play? (bigstix) think about it. I like the way he tries to be mysterious, then drops a clue even the real Corey Feldman could figure out and still thinks more time is necessary to decipher it all. Hmmm…is it…. cello?

At some point, he remembered his target audience of older women and switched gears. He said that he likes going to “(his) house in Havasu” and that he needs “someone that will act proper at the required times such as dinners, weekends with customers, or business trips.” Maybe it really is the cello he plays because you don’t hear a lot of stories about drummers having to entertain execs from the head office on weekend golf excursions. I’m curious what’s considered “proper” behavior from a drummer’s girlfriend. I think that means she waits until her man goes to the bathroom before blowing the lead singer under the dinner table. Moved to folder: So much to learn. So unlikely to learn it.