Match.com stats:

Total profile views: 1716 (14 since yesterday)

New received emails: 1 unsolicited, 1 solicited

New sent emails: 1 reply

New winks: 2

Optimism level: Anxious to get back to full throttle on Match.

When I signed up for Match, they included a magazine subscription in the deal. I thought it was a nice little bonus- that no matter what, I’d get something out of my Match membership. Most of the options were chick magazines but it occurred to me that I spent much of my youth reading the likes of “Cosmopolitan” and “Elle” and clearly, they weren’t much help in the dating arena. They didn’t give out any badges for me to show guys what my “cool girlfriend” quotient was or how high I’d scored on the “lovability” test. It only took me about six years to realize that if one month’s issue taught how to catch a man, the next month’s issue would teach how to get rid of the jerk sleeping next to you. It was an endless cycle that wasn’t even very entertaining, so I opted for “Maxim” this time around. I’d picked up one or two issues before and thought they were pretty funny. But I guess I never noticed how much of a men’s magazine it is until I received my first issue today. Clearly, “Maxim” is the magazine for the guys who “read the articles” but who still want some flesh within eyeshot. It’s for the men whose wives won’t let them keep “Playboy” or the Victoria Secret catalogue in the house. And now it’s coming to my mailbox once a month. I guess time will tell whether or not the endless pictures of 22-year-old bikini girls will inspire me to get my body into the “athletic and toned” category or whether they’ll depress me so much I’ll end up in the “big and beautiful” category.

EMAIL #1: This letter was obviously a cut-and-paste job. It was particularly easy to spot since he’d pasted the full text in both the body AND the subject line. He included two different AOL addresses to which I can send a reply. I’ve noticed that several guys have done this. Maybe they all started out sending just one email address, didn’t receive any replies and thought the scores of responses were getting lost in cyberspace. At a certain point you have to accept the fact that you’re not getting any mail because people aren’t writing you back and all the contact info. in the world won’t help.

So this guy’s profile narrative consisted of four sentences, one of which said: I eat mostly fast foods, and cant really guarantee fruit and veggies diet. From some bachelors, this statement could come across as funny. But based on his other “I like” and “I am” sentences, it sounds more like an apology to his mother. I think it’s a pretty risky move to only write a few clipped comments as it puts all the weight on appearance. And when you look like an overgrown Opie Taylor, that’s too much weight for the pictures to bear. Moved to folder: Should I reject him at both addresses?

Somehow I’ve become Reality Check Guy’s new penpal. He had asked me why I cared enough to inform him of the tone of his reality check rant when others didn’t. I had planned to not respond but then I felt like a bitch for starting something and walking away so I gave him a quick explanation that it’s easier for most people to just avoid potential backlash. I closed with another “good luck in your search,” thinking that would be end of him. But of course, he wrote back and asked:

I am not trying to annoy you or anything, but, is it the age difference? that made you think that we are not a good match or “the reality check” ….?

If it’s the age difference, come on, we are more open minded than that… how many people did you meet in your life, are acting either childish or more mature than their own age.

Maybe I should have told him a couple years isn’t an issue but jumping to stupid conclusions is. Instead I let him down easy and said it was the fact that he “definitely” wants kids. If he writes me back again, I think I’ll just tell him I want him. That should get rid of him once and for all.